i want to imagine that i can have a one of those happy love story endings.

where things are horrible for awhile and you are driven apart, but somehow, you get back together and everything is even better.

that i'll be an awesome person and you won't be able to resist me. (haha)

but i've probably destroyed any chance of that. i hate myself, i really do, and that's not inherently bad. as long as i can become a better person out of it instead of wallowing in self-loathing.

but really, i don't know what to do. i have no goal in life, no great desire to do one thing or another. i hurt the person closest to me to the point where he hates me. and i'm probably going to make my parents cry.

sometimes it seems like all i'm going to do by trying to be what i think is a good person is hurt people.