well....fuck.

so I just recently got into a fight with my parents that ended in me saying that I'll just move out. I'm not really sure what to do next. there's millions of reasons why this is a bad idea, but I don't really want to back down and say, nope, I was just bluffing. I think that's what they're waiting for me to do. And, damnit, they don't want to let me spend a night with serp at all this summer. Or let me sleep in. It pisses me off, and I'm annoyed, and not really enjoying being home all that much. Mom's in a bad mood most of the time, and difficult to be around, and I'm not helping it or am the cause of the bad mood. And I want to see my serp all the time, like I was able to last semester. And I can't. Much less stay up late at night to chat with him half the time.

But I have no car, and apparently will lose all financial support from my parents if I leave. Which means no college for at least a year, probably, and stuff. And I'm not sure exactly what will happen if I go through with this. I have a little sister that I know will cry if I leave. But if I'm going to leave, I want to do it now, before I get a job here, and make other commitments that make leaving even that much more difficult, and stupid.

Why must I fight with my parents like this? And I get this little nagging feeling that says, just maybe I'm wrong and should just bend to their rules. Which aren't quite horrible ridiculous demands, but I would say at least somewhat ridiculous. And I can't stand being constantly nagged by my mom. And I'm spoiled and miss my serp.

Furthermore, I don't want say "kyyyyyyyyyle love come here and pick me up" and on his way up here some sort of agreement is reached between me and my parents and then I'm all like "nevermind, go back home."

I have a cat, too. What am I going to do with her? Lei Lei, you seem to cause me more problems than I ever thought you would. :p

And and and and...

I don't want to actually run away with serp and then later have this relationship sour and we break up. because then I'll be double fucked.

gah....I wanna talk to serp but his phone is dead and so I have to wait for him to get home and either get online or plug in his phone and call me back.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

this might be the most poorly organized post I written, as far as skipping around between similar trains of thought goes. but I wanted to type something, damnit.