it's like a door. the door is closed, yet it's the type that, without a latch, would swing easily open. it has a latch, though it's a weak one and not very secure. and, quite often, i seem to accidentally bump against that latch, knocking it loose and letting the door swing open, and behind that door is a whirlwind of emotions and memories that flood out and overwhelm me.

sometimes i think i might be intentionally opening that door, maybe to make sure the feelings are still there. and they are.

i don't want to feel like this, i want to make these feelings go away and let me be happy. but at the same time, i'm afraid of this going away, especially quickly, i'm so certain now about what i want, i don't know what to trust if this just goes away and i'm perfectly okay.

gah, i don't know.

uncertainty seems to be the rule of my life.

and it never gets me anywhere, except by accident.